Do you appreciate your parents?
First put aside filial piety, put aside blood ties, and only talk about likes. Do you like your parents. Like is not maintained by blood relationship, it is very simple, it does not mean that he is your parents and you will definitely like him. Just like we like some teacher in our school, you like him because he has certain qualities that attract you, and you hate him because of certain qualities that make you disgusted. This is intentional, not blood ties.

parent-child

Now let’s talk about filial piety. I do not deny that some people are born with the noble quality of filial piety, and some people are born with white eyes. We are now talking about ordinary people, not so noble, nor lacking in morality. I think filial piety is more based on liking. In other words, if you like your parents, it will be easier to be filial. After all, filial piety is now a “hard rule” in China, so we can only use easy and difficult to to distinguish, because you should be filial no matter what,this is something who didn’t grow up in China can’t figure out.

Some people ask why you still don’t like your parents, how nice they are to you and so on. So as I mentioned just now, liking is really a matter of heart/emotion. If they don’t have something that you admire, but instead, deal with things from the starting point of selfishness, not really thinking about the long-term for children, your inner love/respect is really difficult. And it doesn’t mean that you should like him because he is good to you. Liking is a psychological activity, and it is a natural occurrence,There is no morality or immorality.

chinese

Therefore, when some people see him as filial, it may be easier for him to be filial, because he likes it from the bottom of his heart. If you think about it, if you like a person, you are very willing to interact with him and love him. When we say filial piety here, it actually refers to communication and companionship, which is often what the elderly need most. In terms of money, it is actually much simpler than communication and companionship, as long as you have it. But now, ask yourself, how many people have done a good job of communicating and accompany, why they can’t do it, because they don’t like it from heart, and they don’t want to communicate from the heart. Setting a rule for yourself, making phone calls and video calls twice a week are not real filial piety. This is the more difficult filial piety mentioned earlier.

Some of the people I’ve met are very family-loving and want to be with their parents, and some just want to leave home and want to be free. It’s obvious whether you like it or not.

How does Chinese culture view the matter of being incompatible with one’s parents?
child

So should the parents be to blame? Chinese culture which bemoan the state of the universe and pity the fate of humankind does not recommend this practice,especially in the Confucian’s filial piety culture. If there is a personality incompatibility with the parents, it is necessary to hold a family meeting to communicate with the parents, and to discuss this issue openly and honestly. Although many Chinese people are very shy about the relationship between their relatives, they feel that there is no need to talk about it or they are not good at communicating with their parents, and some feel that it is too difficult to talk about such topics with their parents, so they simply give up their efforts. There has always been a pimple in the heart, and some even become regrets.

elder

You see, in fact, in the hearts of Chinese people, likes and dislikes can exist at the same time, so many people stick to “filial piety” painfully, because there is a distinction between difficult and easy, so there is a distinction between good and bad. In a word, no matter what kind of culture advocates filial piety, it is more about seeing the fact that “parents are getting old and there is nothing you can do about it”, and thus cherish the time when relatives meet in the short life. From this point of view, the part of filial piety in every culture should be inherited and promoted.

Is filial piety only a Chinese culture?
Not only China advocates filial piety, but Christianity, Hinduism, ancient Greece, all major civilizations advocate filial piety. Unlike other cultures, China puts filial piety in a very high priority and important position; while in other cultures, filial piety is also advocated, but not the highest priority. “filial piety” is not only about “respect”, but also the “critical thinking on both side”. “将顺其美”，匡救其恶”, which means that the elders have good virtues, and the children will follow them. If the elders have sins, the children will advise and stop them in time. This is the reason why the family can get along harmoniously. Together that is complete filial piety.